Author Archives: Hiro Shibata

The Sky

Oops, I did it again! I have not updated this blog for a month!

But this time, I have a different reason; I have been crazy busy because I moved to a new place, an apartment room! As I mentioned in the previous post, I did not like the former place. It’s small, dirty, noisy, and very uncomfortable. I wrote in the previous post that I hoped the new place would be my peaceful place. It’s been two weeks since I moved in, and it is becoming my relaxing space. It is quiet, spacious for one person, and since I moved from a furnished room to an unfurnished room, I’m making it my style. Above all, as I mentioned in the previous post, the view is fantastic! It’s on the 30th floor. I can see the horizon without obstacle.

I did not know watching the sky is that much fun. It changes everyday, different at every moment. It was about a year ago when I wrote about my own weather. At that time, I was “fired”, and the sky had been overcast for a couple of weeks. I was so depressed. But now watching the sky is fun even when it is overcast. One of the reasons must be the current situation. As I wrote in the previous post, life is uncontrollable. I cannot say my life is stable. But at least now I have a full-time job, which makes me feel less anxious. I know, as I wrote a year ago, I should have my own weather, my value. But I admit that my feeling is still affected by the weather. Another reason is probably the vastness of the sky. When I lived in Orillia and wrote that post, I watched the sky from a small window. Now nothing obstruct the view. Even when the entire sky is overcast, I can find changes at every moment.

Interesting finding here is that I, like many people, enjoy both the sky in the daytime and the night view, town lights at night. They are totally different; the sky is the beauty of the natural world, and the night view is perfectly artificial, like the photo in an old post. Both are not meant to be beautiful, but people find them attractive. Some people say that the sense of beauty is evolutional, which I partially agree but not totally. For example, people find symmetrical face is “beautiful”, and this is because being symmetry is a sign of healthiness and human beings have evolved in a way that we select a healthy partner for a better chance to produce healthy offspring, thus people find symmetrical face is attractive. I do not totally agree with this hypothesis simply because it is not romantic. And I know many ugly and healthy people (oops!). Whether this theory is true or not, it does not explain why people think night view is beautiful. As a designer, it should be good to know why people are attracted by beautiful things, which gives us a hint for designing something attractive. But the origin of the sense of beauty still remains a mystery.

Anyways, let’s enjoy the view day and night. My new room is becoming my relaxing place. Probably I need a couple more weekends to make it decent enough to invite my friends. And then, let’s have a party!

April 21, 2014Permalink

Memory

Oops! I found I have not updated this blog for a month!

Many things have happened. As I mentioned in a previous post, I often loudly tell myself “I forgot that” when I have left my workplace and get on my car. It works, or at least, it worked. But recently those things occupies my capacity to think even after leaving the workplace, which disables me from doing anything non-urgent (including blog).

In past one month, I have thought of many things. One of the biggest is March 11th; it was this day three years ago when massive earthquake and subsequent tsunami hit Eastern Japan. It is generally not good memories, but something I should not, will never forget. I still remember some mixture of feelings: feeling of helplessness, anxiety, fear, and feeling of unity. As I wrote in another previous post, some things evoke the feelings even now. It is kind of good. As I wrote in that previous post, income often hides unwanted reality. What is unwanted reality?? As I wrote in the previous post, life is uncontrollable, and probably I should accept that being unstable is “normal”. It is kind of good to remember the feeling of helplessness to get ready for the next helpless period. Who knows?

Let me go back to the story of leaving the workplace. Yesterday, when I got on my car, I repeatedly told myself “let’s forget that. I forgot that”. When I was driving after that, I was no longer thinking of details of what happened in the workplace, but still had not-good feelings. Then I decided to drive to a park on lake Ontario and walk around. It was chilly and cloudy; it was not a good timing to walk around. But, though it was only for a short time, it’s good to remember something I have forgotten: a peaceful moment. As described on its web site, it is home to a variety of wildlife. I did not hear any artificial noise. I only heard birds singing. I had forgotten peaceful moment like that.

Colonel Samuel Smith Park

I will move to an apartment two weeks from now. Honestly, I dislike the current room. I moved to the current place when I could not get a job after ending the temporary job in Orillia, so I chose a cheap place, which is small, dirty, and noisy. A folding chair is the only place where I can sit back. The new room is on the 30th floor of a 36-stories tower. It’s quiet, and the view from the balcony is great! I’m hoping it will be my peaceful place. Oh, one more thing to hope; I hope my life will be stable. Let’s see.

March 22, 2014Permalink

Get back to normal, whatever my normal is.

I know this is odd feelings. When I feel good, I feel something is wrong, i.e., I chronically feel not good in last few years.

Of course the last part of this statement is exaggerated. Like I often wrote, I enjoyed volunteering as a TA at McMaster. I felt good then. Meeting my friends is fun of course. But I often have that feelings, and it happened this morning when I was driving to my work place. I know why I felt good; as I wrote in a previous post, MVP workers’ smile makes me happy, and it was yesterday (it is usually on Monday but it was a holiday this week). But feeling good on the way to work is odd, honestly. The reason of the feelings this morning was obvious, but seriously, I often feel something is wrong when I feel good.

As I wrote in an old post, I have not spent “normal life” in last couple of decades. This is what I wrote then.

In last couple of decades, I always do two things simultaneously; doing a full-time job or equivalent like being a full-time student, and preparing for the next step. What I mean by “living normally” is to do one full-time job and spend spare time on hobbies without worrying about next step.

Now I have a full-time job, but I do not think I have settled down. As I wrote in another previous post, I felt so unstable when I was a temporary employee. And even now I still feel unstable. The reason is obvious as I wrote in a recent post. Now, do I need to redefine “normal life”? Like described in an internet article that I referred to in another previous post, life is uncontrollable. Should I accept that being unstable is normal? Maybe I should. But this does not mean I should give up. Perhaps in the future I will spend abnormal stable life. Who knows?

February 19, 2014Permalink

Nothing personal

I often wish my job was my primary part of my life. I’m not saying, of course, that I want to be a workaholic. I mean, if I was doing a dream job, spending the majority of time on the job must have been ideal. I remember I wrote something like this in an old post. Unfortunately, my current job is way far from my dream job (not like the distance between Halifax and Vancouver but between Toronto and Mars). It “occupies” the majority of my day excluding sleeping (I guess this is why it is called occupation), and it is the most unpleasant time for me. When something at work irritates me, I tell myself “nothing personal” in my mind, and when I get on my car to leave the work place, I loudly tell myself “I forgot that”.

One of the things I do at work is to ask supervisors to select a weekly MVP worker and to do some paper work for that. I often need to urge them to do it for some reasons, which is quite unpleasant for me and probably for them in some degree as well. When it happens, I tell myself “nothing personal”. But when every MVP has been selected, paper work has been done, and a manager announces the MVP workers, everyone smiles. Their smile makes me happy. I could think this is something personal.

I could say “not only unpleasant things but happy things also happen, so this job is good”. This is so called positive thinking, which I think does not help a lot. The premise of positive thinking, I think, is that you can judge everything to be either positive or negative, like “half full” or “half empty”, and that thinking positively is a good attitude. Really? I prefer to, or in other words I wish I could, see everything as it is. The attempt to interpret everything as something positive or negative can be a cause of unpleasant feeling. Buddhism tells 色即是空、空即是色 (something is nothing, nothing is something), and this is probably what I need now. As for the “half full” or “half empty” issue, the premise of positive thinking is that being full is positive and being empty is negative. Can’t we see everything as it is? Nothing is positive, nothing is negative, nothing is personal.

As I wrote in a previous post, what I experience now will eventually form myself for the future. Whether it is something personal or business, it will form my personality. It seems better to see everything as it is and select what to be. Let’s see.

February 5, 2014Permalink

“Hang in there”

One of my least favourite Japanese expressions is “がんばれ (gambare)”. Typical Japanese-English dictionaries say it means “hang in there”. In some cases “がんばれ” means “hang in there”, but in many other cases it means more like “try harder” or “make more efforts”. Saying “make more efforts” to people in trouble is cruel, but it is typical Japanese mentality.

As I mentioned in a recent post, I’m having a harsh period in the current work place. Today a Canadian colleague, who understands my current situation, kindly talked to me. I told him what happened to me recently, and he said “hang in there”. Partially because I work with Canadians and Japanese now, I was confused with “hang in there” and “がんばれ”, and kept complaining, while I was supposed to say “thanks”.

He was right. If I hang in there, eventually things will (probably) work out. He knew it. As I wrote in a previous post, income often hides unwanted reality, and also makes people less patient. What I feel now is much better than what I felt during the helpless job hunting which I eventually overcame, but now I feel unhappy. What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger, but what saves me makes me weaker. I should remember what I felt when I let things happen. Today I missed to say “thanks”, but someday, when I overcome the current situation, I’ll tell him “I hung in there”.

As I wrote in another previous post, I felt something like “deja vu”, which actually was not, and as I hoped in that post, I’ve got a permanent full-time position. Things are happening. I should remember what I felt when I was unemployed, and see how the looser will fail, no matter what fortune cookies say.

January 29, 2014Permalink

Fortune cookie

I went to a Chinese restaurant in my neighborhood a few days ago. The fortune cookie said “you will soon receive an unusual proposition”. Unusual proposition?? For one second I thought of something romantic, but it did not happen (so far). Instead, I received an unusual job offer today. As I wrote in a previous post, I got a temporary daytime job unexpectedly. It is a Japanese company in Mississauga. A senior manager often told me that he expects me to work for the company for a long term, but we have not discussed anything officially. Today another manager told me to read a document, sign it and return it to him. It was a job agreement for a full-time position. I even did not have a chance to negotiate. This is an unusual proposition.

It is not only unusual, but… In an old post, when I was going to take a temporary technical interpreter job in Orillia, I wrote “How close is it to my goal?  If the goal is Calgary and I start from Hamilton, I will be in Montreal next month”. Now, taking this job is like going to Halifax. But I still need to take this job for one reason; I need to settle down. If this journey will eventually take me to Calgary, I would do whatever I can now. Whether it is good or bad, fortune is fortune.

Today I had a chance to chat with a Japanese coworker who is somehow in a similar situation. It is good to have someone to share thought. The conversation with her encouraged me.

By the way, I went to the Chinese restaurant today again. Today’s fortune cookie says “happiness surrounds your event this week”. It is now Friday evening, and I’m not planning any event tomorrow. It’s not gonna happen. Oh well.

January 24, 2014Permalink

30 years

As I wrote in a previous post, Japan was defeated in WWII in 1945, and in 1956 Japanese government stated “it is no longer a post-war period”. And then Japan experienced rapid economic growth. But at that time, some Japanese soldiers ware still “fighting” in Southeast Asian countries. As some internet news announced, a former Japanese soldier, Mr. Hiroo Onoda, died at the age of 91. He had hidden in a jungle in the Philippines for about 30 years after the war ended, and came back to Japan in 1974. As I wrote in an old post, Japanese soldiers were taught that surrendering was a shame and worse than death, and this is why he had not surrendered for three decades.

One of some impressive facts, according to the internet article, is that he did not think the 30 years was a waste of time. That experience formed his life after surrendering.

How about me? What have formed myself today? I often wonder which has been longer, happy periods or tragic periods. After adolescent, tragic periods have been way longer, I think. But I do not dislike myself. As I wrote in that previous post, what did not kill me made me a little stronger. Of course those periods ware, at least physically, not as harsh as hiding myself in a jungle for decades. But it makes me myself anyway. Why do I talk about it now?? Because I am experiencing another harsh period in the current “temporary” day-time job. Anyways, let’s see how the looser will fail.

May Mr. Hiroo Onoda rest in peace.

January 18, 2014Permalink

Business rules

Probably everyone can name a few or more memorable TV commercials. One of them for me, and probably for many other Japanese in my age as well, is American Express that I saw when I was a kid. In that TV commercial, a famous American pro golf player, who played internationally, said “出掛ける時は忘れずに (when you go out, don’t forget)”. At that time, international airfare was very expensive and many people did not know what going abroad was like. Many people including myself thought American Express was the most commonly used credit card overseas. Another one is Jim Beam. In that ad, a narrator went “アメリカを生きたバーボン、ジム・ビーム (A bourbon that lived America, Jim Beam)”. “アメリカを生きた (lived America)” does not literally make sense, but it sounded cool. I, like many others, thought Jim Beam represents America.

According to some sources today, Suntory, a Japanese beverage company that is known for its appearance in Lost in Translation, purchased Beam N that makes Jim Beam Bourbon. I just wondered if any source mentions something sentimental, something like “Japanese company bought America’s pride”, and browsed for other related articles. I could not find anything I expected, but instead of that, I found that one of those articles mentions that Beam N produces Canadian Club.

Is Canadian Club produced by an American company? And the American company will be owned by a Japanese company? OK, this is a business world. We should not expect brands to have identity. Business rules.

January 13, 2014Permalink

Let things happen. In other words, let go of control.

I accidentally found this internet article, 12 Tools For More Mindful Living. Mindful living?? I like it. According to this article, one of the tools is to let go of control. This idea is similar to what I wrote in a previous post, let things happen. One of other tools is to be curious. They do not sound alike, but the idea is somehow similar to what I wrote in an old post, let’s see how a loser will fail. It’s good to know that I am not alone. Apparently, I was looking for mindful living when I was lost in helpless job hunting.

Now I have income. As I wrote in a previous post, income often hides unwanted reality. I wrote “I was looking for…”, but actually I need mindful life now.

I’m still a temporary employee. Recently I was assigned for some tasks, which means I can assume that I will work for the company for a long term. But nothing is guaranteed. OK, let’s see what will happen. A few days ago, I got a phone call from a recruiting agency to offer a job to me. But it was not a type of job I want, though I have previous job experience in that field. Plus, I was assigned for log-term tasks in the current work place. For those reasons, I politely said “no”. I don’t know if it was a right choice or not. OK, be curious and see what will happen. One thing I’m sure is, whether I become a regular employee and get stable income or not, no matter how I’m satisfied with the job, I will keep looking for mindful living.

How did I “accidentally” find this internet article?? I found the photo, a kitty behind boxes, and was just curious about it. If you know me well, you must know who much I love cats!

January 11, 2014Permalink