Tsurezure Naru Mamani

When I was a junior high school student, I liked listening to radio programs. One day, I was listening to my favourite live program in bed, but something was different. From time to time during the program, they provided small pieces of information about a big incident. It was when a domestic JAL flight crashed into Osutaka mountain on August 12, 1985.

I frequently check Japanese internet news, and the 30th anniversary of the JAL crash was one of the hot topics in last few days, like this news site. Another hot topic was broadcast even in Canada: restart of first nuclear plant after the Fukushima disaster. As mentioned in this internet article, the majority of Japanese today oppose using nuclear energy. The reason is obvious; they don’t want to repeat an incident like Fukushima Dai-ichi. In other words, they think that nuclear energy is dangerous as proven in the Fukushima disaster. But is it really that dangerous? A fact that most people outside Japan don’t know is that there are three nuclear plants in the disaster area. “Dai-ichi” means “No.1”, which means there is “Fukushima No. 2” nuclear plant. There is another one in the area, and some facilities in those two nuclear plants ware used as shelters right after the disaster.

What makes Fukushima Dai-ichi different from the other two? The answer is not widely known. Fukushima Dai-ichi was designed and built by an American company, and believe or not, they simply copied their nuclear plants in U.S. which were designed based on the risk factors in U.S. One of the major risk factors in U.S. is hurricane or tornado. To protect important properties from tornadoes, whether it is in a house or in a nuclear plant, people in U.S. keep them underground. Based on this concept, the emergency generator of Fukushima Dai-ichi was installed underground where one of the major risk factors is tsunami. As a result, the emergency generator was severely damaged by the tsunami which triggered the incident, while emergency generators of the other two plants safely shut down the nuclear reactors. Those emergency generators are installed upper floor to protect them from tsunami. It seems obvious who has the responsibility for the incident. However, for some reasons, the U.S. company is not accused.

Recently I read a Japanese internet article about the JAL crash, and I found it connects the JAL crash and the Fukushima disaster. The cause of the JAL crash was revealed a while after. The airplane had experienced a minor incident and the rear part was damaged, then it was repaired and used again. But it was not repaired properly, and it caused the crash. One thing I had not known and the Japanese internet article told is that the airplane was repaired by a U.S. company that built the airplane, and it was not accused. It’s a power game.

Today, August 15, is the anniversary of Japan’s World War II surrender. It’s been 70 years since the end of WWII. After the war, Japan had been occupied by U.S. for some years. (yes, for “some years”. We do not celebrate our independence day for some reasons and honestly, I don’t know how many years it was.) However, Japan is still somehow forced to obey U.S. They defeated Japan 70 years ago, but it does not mean that they are still freed from accusation of causing death of hundreds of Japanese citizens. But sadly this seems a reality.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I do a part-time job with my car; I go to Pearson airport to pick up Japanese students who come to Canada to learn English, and bring them to their host family’s place. I often enjoy conversation with them. One day I met a girl who came from Western Japan, or Kansai. I noticed her Kansai accent, but she did not use Kansai dialect. She told me that she had spent some days with a group of people who came from Eastern Japan, or Kanto, who spoke “standard” Japanese, and they told her “your language is odd”. It’s not a good attitude, but sadly it’s not uncommon in Japan. She said that since then she hesitates to speak Kansai dialect when talking with people who use “standard” Japanese like me. Then I told her that I had decided to leave Japan and live in Canada, and one of the reasons is that Canadians recognize difference. If you do something different from other majority of people in Japan, people typically say “you are strange“, while in similar situations in Canada people say “you are different“. She seemed to like this notion.

A while after that, I found that Angelina Jolie spoke out even further. As written in this internet article, she told kids “different is good”. This is what she actually said:

When I was little, like Maleficent, I was told that I was different. And I felt out of place — too loud, too full of fire, never good at sitting still, never good at fitting in. And, then one day I realized something, something that I hope you all realize: Different is good.

How encouraging is it even for adults? The audience’s enthusiastic reaction assures us that people can be proud of “being different”.

This may sound odd, or may rather sound natural in a sense, but the notion of “being different” differs depending on the situation. Her speech still implies that being different is normally considered to be something negative even in North America. The situation in which her classmates told her “you are different” and the situation in which my design classmates told me “you are different” ware probably very different, and the message she took and the message I took must have been different as well. But in either case people can be proud of being different.

So, I have not written anything for about 6 months, half a year. Reason? I’ve been tied up mostly due to the depressing full-time job and a demanding side business, that was, translating an entire company web site. Now, I’ve submitted the translation, and whether the job is depressing or not depends on me, or in other words depends on how I take it. So, it’s time to regain myself. Actually I have not felt I am myself for a while.

Yesterday, the first “effective” weekend after submitting the translation, I went to ROM: Royal Ontario Museum. As I wrote in an old post, I love visiting museums, and ROM is one of my most favourite ones. Whenever I go there, I find or “discover” a different thing or things to be attractive to me. This time, it was a cup used around 1800 BC. Its shape is not significantly different from today’s typical mugs, but it is not hard to imagine that the time people spent on making a cup of hot beverage at that time was remarkably different from today; filling a kettle with water was not a matter of turning on a water tap and boiling it was not about turning on an electric stove. However, people did it in a few millenniums ago in their daily life, I suppose. I don’t know if the owner of the cup did it by him/herself or had a servant do it, but I suppose, at least want to believe, that it was worth spending time on preparing for relaxation in their life style.

Now, how much time do I spend on relaxing in this 21st century when many things can be done quite quickly?

As I mentioned above, whether the current job is depressing or not depends on me, depends on how I react to it. I know it. I logically understand it. But it is quite hard to actually take it in that way. I feel I’m depressed. But life shouldn’t be like that. I should regain myself. Since last week, I clean my room and organize things in my room little by little. As I wrote in the previous post a half year ago, it is not “the right” way to be myself by making a comfortable room, but this is at least a good start.

I know it is odd to talk about my New Year’s resolution in March, but it is to “ignite my intellectual curiosity”. Working for an uncivilized company often makes me forget that I am an intellectual being. When I looked back the year 2014, I found that I did not do many intellectual activities. Let’s make this year a year to redefine myself and regain myself. Going to ROM and see what interests me is one way to rediscover myself. Relaxing in a comfortable room is another way to rethink of my value. Let’s see what I can do from here.

As everyone knows, life is tough. My current day-time job is, as I often mention, very stressful. One day, as I wrote in a previous post a few months ago, I went to a park after an extremely stressful work day, to unexpectedly find that I had forgotten something: a peaceful moment. As I mentioned in that previous post, I hoped my new place would be my peaceful space. Now, it’s been about five months since I moved to the current place, and I’m still trying to make it a Hiro-style room, hoping it will be a place to forget about any stressful event. In other words, it will be a place for me to be myself. Slowly but surely, it’s coming.

But before completing my den, I should recall one thing: having my own weather. As I wrote in an old post, as Covey describes in his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, proactive people have their own weather. On the other hand, reactive people “are often affected by their physical environment [1]”. I suppose that my “physical environment” includes my room, which means, I’m still “reactive”. As I wrote in that previous post, my former place was so uncomfortable. However, whether it is tidy or messy, roomy or tiny, stylish or dull, I should retain my own weather. To make my room comfortable to regain myself is not the “right” way to remain myself.

Having said that, making a my-style room is fun. When I rented an apartment room in Japan, I bought secondhand pieces of furniture to save money. As a result, the room was somehow uncoordinated because I bought each of them from very limited choices. It was tidy and livable, but no unity among them. Now my neighbour IKEA helps me make a well-coordinated room at a reasonable price.

After making my nest, a next step to “regain myself” is to remember my cooking style. As I wrote in a “recent” post (a couple of months ago), something was wrong and I couldn’t cook as I used to. I still don’t know what was actually wrong, though I’m sure something was obviously wrong. Now, let’s see how I have recovered from that. Hopefully I’ll finish “making my room” soon and remember Hiro style cooking. A cozy place plus Hiro style Asian fusion equals Izakaya Hiro!

[1] S. R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, New York, NY: Fireside, 1989.

One murder makes a villain. Millions a hero. Numbers sanctify. – Charlie Chaplin

In last couple of weeks, we had no single day when we did not hear shocking news. One is about a U.S. journalist beheaded by Islamic State in Syria, another is the conflict between Israel and Hamas. According to some sources, more than 2,000 people have been killed in Gaza in last couple of months. OK, now, let’s do the math. Suppose every human being’s life is equally respected. Then, the killing in Gaza is more than 2,000 times seriously treated than killing a U.S. citizen in Syria. Is it? Obviously no. Why? WHy?? WHY???

I even don’t know the difference, or in another word the “border”, between murder and assassination.

I know. This is a sensitive matter, like the one I described in an old post.

There seem no rationally rational argument. Everything is subjective and relative. For a typical but different example, many people, mostly the Westerners, think that a whale or a dolphin’s life is way heavier than that of a “cow” (whether it is male or female), of a pig, or of a chicken. It is obvious for them, but ridiculous for me. It is subjective.

I even hope that we are in transition right now. I still remember a weird feeling I had in my childhood when I watched TV news reporting a tragedy, such as train crash or airplane accident, in which many people ware killed. Reporters typically said “被害者に政治家などの要人は含まれておりません (no important figures such as politicians are included in the casualties)”. WHAT? What the hell do you mean by “important figures”??? Now they don’t make such a biased report; people have changed.

Another unforgettable comment in my childhood was heard in a social studies class in my junior high-school. The teacher was talking about the changes in social structures and political systems, and if I remember correctly, he said like “political systems in the world had changed for the better. But now there are two different major systems and we cannot tell which is better: capitalism and socialism. Both are better than old ones and seem optimal.” Some years later, many socialistic nations have turned into capitalistic ones. Is it a change for the better? If I trust the first half of the teacher’s argument, it is. People have changed.

If people keep changing, the notion of the “equality of life” may change. I mean, it will change “for the better”. Some may argue that it “should change”.

OK, this is it for sensitive matters.

I once suffered concussion of the brain when I was playing soccer in my junior high-school. I was running to head a ball when the ball was high up in the air, while another boy was also running toward the ball from the opposite side. Both of us were looking up, and did not recognize each other. What I remember is that I was running and looking up the ball. The next moment I remember is that the physical-education teacher was holding me. According to my classmates, the other boy, who was shorter than I was, headed my face before reaching the ball, but I don’t remember the moment. Since then, something was wrong, for a while. I could not kick a ball. No matter how carefully I aimed at, I always kicked the air. My subconscious mind seemed to prevent me from touching a soccer ball. After a while, I gradually and naturally overcame it.

Recently, in last few months or more (as far as I remember, since early this year), something is wrong with me. For example, I cannot cook well. When I lived in Calgary, many of my friends knew I liked cooking, and many of them enjoyed “Hiro’s Asian fusion”; I combine Japanese food, Korean food, and Chinese food. It’s not all about recipe; I used some subtle cooking techniques and also used my instinct. But now, I try to cook as I did when I was in Calgary, but I cannot. Cooking is only an example. Many other things do not work out, and I don’t know why. I even don’t know if they are due to a common cause or different causes. Is it because of something I don’t remember or recognize?

I thought of the current situation as a suspect. I got the current full-time job in January, and as I wrote in an old post then, it is like going to Halifax while the destination is Calgary. In fact, I think my life is miserable now, which could subconsciously prevents me from doing what I like or need to do as I expect.

I wrote “the current situation” as a suspect, but to be fair, I should say how I see the current situation. I came up with this idea yesterday when I was having a meal at a lake-side cafe in Hamilton after visiting my university. In fact, I visited the lake to think of the current “miserable” situation. Sometimes I need to separate myself from the daily life to think of something deeply. The fact is that my current job is very very different from the profession that I want to pursue. Whether it is miserable or not depends on how I see it. To make a long story short, this is not the end of the world, and might be one of some steps forward. In other words, it might be a meaningful step in the long term. Of course this is hard to accept, but thinking in that way makes me feel a little bit better. Interestingly, on the way home, when I was driving on the highway, I found I was watching further ahead than I used to do. Subconsciously??

It is, of course, too early to make a conclusion. Actually I felt a little better at the lake-side cafe when I thought of the idea, but don’t know if things will go out well from now on. I know life is not that easy. One thing I’m sure is that I should think more about the current situation and how I take it. We’ll see.

Since I bought a car, I moved three times: within Orillia, from Orillia to Etobicoke, and then within Etobicoke. For the first and second time, I chose a place in the middle of a residential area, and used my car to go to anywhere. It’s typical North American life style, right? And I found that life should not be like that. For this time, I chose a place near a subway station and also close to shops and restaurants. It’s not as convenient as downtown Toronto as I wrote in an old post. I still use my car to go grocery shopping. But now I feel like exploring my neighbourhood more.

Today I walked to buy pizza for dinner (typical North American life style…) I drive the same route every weekday to go to work. But when I walk, it looks different. It’s been a little more than a month since I moved to the current place, and today I found there are a few cherry trees near hear. One of the reasons why I had not found them is that they came to blossom only recently. But the major reason must be that I do not pay attention to them when I drive. I’m sure I should walk more to find more things.

For tomorrow I’m planning to go to downtown Toronto. As I wrote, I chose a place near a subway station, but have not used it yet. The “subway” go on the ground for a few stops. Let’s pay attention to the scenery then.

Hmm… this is becoming like monthly blog.

When things happen, they happen. Since I got the current job, including the period when I worked as a temporary contractor, I often get email and phone calls about jobs. All of them are, unfortunately, translation or Japanese-related jobs. It usually happens only once in a while, but in last couple of weeks, it happened more than a few times. It is rare. I declined full-time (40h per week temporary) jobs because the current job is not good but better than translation. The other few ware freelance translation jobs, and I accepted only one. What’s the criteria?? Trust.

One was directly from a client who I worked for when I was a freelance translator. When a freelancer and a client negotiate, one of the first things to talk about is price. That’s the rule. But he did not. I had a bad feeling, and told him how much I would charge. Then he did not reply. I’m almost sure that he expected me to do it for free. Another one was from a translation agency who has never given me a job. When I was a freelancer, I even missed chances to get translation jobs because of them because they often said they would ask me to translate a big amount of text, so I declined other offers, but they actually did not. I know their strategy; they always contact multiple freelancers for one translation job, and only hire one translator. The others are “spares”. It’s cruel. But sadly, most translation agencies do their business in this way. Can I trust them? No way! Some of them honestly tell that they contact several freelancers, but there is no trust anyway.

The other one was a Japanese translation agency, and they are exceptionally trustworthy. Unlike others, they ask my availability beforehand and wait for my reply. I accepted the offer, and submitted the translation in time a few days ago. I even wonder what is their strategy. They are not as “smart” as the cruel ones. But they may sustain their business by maintaining good relationship with freelance translators. In the long term, it could be even smarter way of doing business than the cruel ones.

As I repeatedly wrote, life is uncontrollable. In the future, I may need to choose a strategy to survive. I hope I will choose a sound one then.