Happy? another case

I love coffee. I really love coffee. But as I wrote in a previous post, there is virtually no kitchen in my current tiny apartment room, and I cannot enjoy brewing a cup of coffee. When I want to have a nice cup of coffee, I have to go to a nice cafe (which means that I can brew a cup of nice coffee at home if a decent kitchen is available). Today I went to a “stylish” cafe. The coffee was good. The cheese cake was good too. The interior was very cool. But the experience was OK; it was very different from the cafe in Toronto, as I wrote in a previous post titled “Happy?”, where a signboard says “coffee is happiness in a cup and you’ll find that ‘happiness’ here“. In the stylish cafe, waitresses looked somehow unhappy which didn’t make me happy. I’m not surprised if workers at a fast food restaurant look unhappy or make fake smile (of course there are some people who work at a fast food restaurant and make natural smile to make customers happy as I wrote in a previous post). But since I was expecting to have a relaxing time there (which I do not expect at a fast food restaurant), I was a little disappointed.

I’ve noticed there are two types of cafe; those where workers look somehow happy, and those where workers look unhappy. I don’t know what makes the difference. Maybe how demanding the job is. Maybe affected by other workers. Or maybe what they intend to provide is different; some cafes merely provide some types of drinks, while some other cafes provide experience with a cup of coffee. For the latter case, the workers’ attitude counts. Anyways, I like to see happy people. I like to see people who can be proud of what they are doing.

Me? Honestly, I cannot be proud of what I am doing now to live on. I know I’m doing a good job at the current workplace. I contribute a lot there. But I cannot be proud of it. Why? Because, as I often write here, I’m still a loser (the current job is different from the job when I wrote the post, but very different from my goal anyways). Probably this is why I often look for a place to sit back, relax, and think of myself, my value. This is also why I like to see people who do what they like and look happy; I’m encouraged by them whether they intend to do so or not.

What do you live for?

Japanese people are shocked by a sad news today; a 73-year-old gentleman was hit by a car and killed when he was volunteering to accompany children walking to school, as his daily routine for 15 years since his granddaughter started school. It is sad enough, but what shocked us even more is that he decided to do the volunteer job because his 7-year-old daughter was killed in a car accident 33 years ago. He didn’t want to let such a tragedy happen again. He actually sacrificed his life to save a 9-year-old boy, who is one of the nine children who were crossing the road when the accident happened. He knew what he lived for, and sacrificed his life to it.

Whether you know what you live for or not, you live anyways. Even if you live selfishly for yourself, you live anyways and may live longer than others. But imagine, what do they think and feel when they end their life? Can they think “it was a good life”?

My favourite street singer, and also a friend of mine, Airi Nagoya, sings a song titled “Game”. It goes;

I want to know what I live for
Trick, cheating, the method doesn’t matter
Whatever fire, or water, I don’t mind any risk
This is not a virtual reality. I live in a reality

(Lyrics by Airi Nagoya, translated by Hiro)

Knowing what you live for is not easy. Probably many people cannot find what they live for during their life. But I’m sure even looking for what you live for is a meaningful way of life, although it doesn’t matter whether you care about it or not anyways. As I often write here, I am a looser. It’s been more than four years since I wrote that post, and from time to time I quote it. And I’m still a loser. OK, let’s see how the looser will fail, and see how meaningful it can be.